So.... what's a "good day" again?

Funny how the more I get embroiled in this stuff that my blog posts become fewer and fewer, eh? I'm sorry about that. I think it's because right now there's no new news and I don't want to sound like a broken record so I don't post as much. But again, some of you have reminded me that it's been awhile since my last post and you want to know how I'm doing so here I am again.

When I began chemo I was under the impression that I would have a "bad week" and a "good week." Next Tuesday will be treatment #4 (out of 8) and I find myself desperately seeking a good "day" let alone a good whole "week." The side effects are still going strong. Mouth sores have now advanced to aching jaw and sometimes throbbing teeth. Last night I was lying in bed and my lower teeth were literally throbbing. It was quite strange. I bought a rinse for the mouth sores and use it from time to time but wow, it's some nasty stuff so most of the time I just deal with the sores. A new side effect that I'm kind of scared to mention but I'll do it anyway, is bloody stools. Yippee for TMI! But yeah. So that's kind of alarming. Right now, I have the shakes, I get very cold easily, I cry at the drop of a hat, and I tire easily. I went to the store today, carried the groceries in, sat down and my heart was beating so fast you'd have thought I'd run a marathon!

You may remember that I visit a message board called the "Young Survivor's Coalition" which is made up of women under the age of 40 who have bc. There is a small group of ten of us that all started chemo in September and we call ourselves the "September Sirens." We keep in constant contact on the message board since we're all going through the same things at the same time and we're all young. One of us is only 23 years old. One of us is getting married this month. One of us has three kids. But we're all going through the same things and we're all having basically the same exact side effects. We all have mouth sores. We're all sick of being bald and feeling "ugly." We've all been having emotional breakdowns this week. We're all tired of chemo and look forward to the last treatment. Those of us who are married with kids talk about how tired our husbands are getting.

I don't go out too much these days but prefer to stay in and either read or do my crosstitch. I just don't have very much gumption to go out. The week of chemo I often sleep a lot. Jim's been taking care of Erik almost around the clock. The few days preceeding chemo when I feel my best I try to take over Erik's care so Jim can have a break. I'm sure Erik's feeling the strain of things too. He doesn't really know what's going on but I think he knows when mom is sick and when dad is tired. Surprisingly he's been a pretty good boy this week. He seems to be a better listener and the "no's" are decreasing. It's almost as if he knows we're at our wits end and he wants to do his part.

Anyway, this too shall pass. Chemo treatment #5 will be a totally different drug and the side effects will subsequently change. I hear the nausea won't be as bad and I'm excited about that. Hopefully my energy levels will increase. Until then, I'm just kinda hangin' in there.