Finally, a much needed break.

It's been a busy two months since I first found out about all this stuff. My July calendar was busy with tests and consults while August has been busy with more doctor appointments, additional tests, surgery, and consults with new doctors.



Today I met with my radiation doctor, Dr. Wynstra at St. John's who will be taking care of me after chemo. He's a very nice, THOROUGH kinda guy. Yestereday afternoon he met with my surgeon and my oncologist along with other surgeons, etc. who decided as a group what would be the best course of action at this point. Unfortunately he couldn't tell me when chemo would start since I guess that depends on how quickly I recover from surgery. I have an appointment with Dr. Mathews, my new Oncologist, on Sept. 10th and she'll tell me the game plan then.

As for right now, I'm going to take a deep breath and enjoy a whole week free of doctor appointments. Wheee! :)

As for how I'm feeling, I'm definately healing up. I'm not as weak as I was, and I can lift my left arm up past 90 degrees. I'm trying to avoid taking pain meds until I'm ready to go to bed, because they knock me out and make me better able to sleep lying on my back all night. (I'm a tummy sleeper!) This morning I took a shower all by myself. Jim still has to help me get dressed because of my limited arm movement. I'm getting to the point where I can lift myself out of bed as long as I'm propped up a little bit.

Slowly but surely I'm getting better. If anything changes, I'll blog again. Otherwise, don't expect to hear anything until after September 10th when I get my chemo schedule.

As always, thanks for reading. :)

Changed Oncologists or "Happy Tuesday"

Changing docs is getting to be a pretty ordinary thing around here. In my old life I would have never thought of changing docs. I thought you picked one out, they naturally sucked or maybe you got lucky and had a half-way decent one with a good sense of humor, and you stayed there 'cause why not? Now I realize, if they suck butt - SWITCH. It takes a couple of phone calls, and a consult visit, and you're done with the last bozo you had. You'll recall I switched surgeons because surgeon #1 wouldn't do "unnecessary surgery" and instead just prefered that I go through all this crap over again in 7 years if it came to that. Afterall, what else did I have to do with my time? You may also recall that my Oncologist was Mr. Rogers incarnate and her staff was comparable to the folks that work the late afternoon shift at Hardees. So last Thursday I called my surgeon's nurse, got a couple recommendations for a new one, called my insurance and their office, set up an appt and went to meet her today.

Her name is Dr. Fran Matthews and she works at Central Illinois Hematoloy Oncology on Madison. I went to see her today and all I can say is "eh." The facility is nicer than Holzer's (Springfield Clinic on 7th), the staff seem more on the ball (called me back within five hours with an appointment time! *GASP*) and while Dr. Matthews has the personality of a lamp post, she's likable and seems like she knows what she's doing. I think this one's a keeper.

She was able to get my pathology report from surgery and told me some stuff that I'm sure my surgeon meant to tell me on Wednesday's visit. Such as Dr. Peralta removed 25 lymph nodes but only two seemed cancerous. (boo) She also says there may be a chance that some of the tumor was left behind in the incision and must be zapped with radiation. Which brings me to the third bit o' bad news; I need radiation. Yuck.

She gave me a run down of my probable treatment plan that will start in a few weeks when I'm healed up from surgery. 16 weeks of chemo (adriamycen, cytoxan, taxol), followed by 5-6 weeks of right chest wall radiation, followed by tamoxifen pills for five years. Reconstruction will be going on through chemo and radiation and then after radiation is done, the implants will replace the expanders.

Tomorrow (Wednesday) I go for a post-op visit with Dr. Peralta (surgeon) who will explain the path report a little more and based on that will decide on the complete follow-up plan. I'll blog more as soon as I know the plan.

Thursday I meet Doc #4 which will be my radiation guy; Dr. Wynstra at St. John's.

If you'd like to know how I look, here ya go:



Nice, eh? Didn't you all wanna see me in my undies? I also have naked pics for my own records and will take new pics after each fill up through reconstruction. They look a tad bit lopsided - there's also a huge diagonal dent/fold in the right side from when they bandaged me up but it should flatten out. Jim thought it was a scar, it's such a deep fold. But I imagine it'll flatten out as time goes on and the expander is filled. I have a scar running from where the nipple used to be, down to the underside of each breast, and then a scar running across the bottom of each breast that you can't even see unless you're looking up from underneath. They did a really good job. The drain sites are leaking less and less. Soon I should be able to do away with the guaze. I still have a lot of inflamation on the sides especially that should go away soon. Yes, it's still sore and I'm still on meds and advil. Those of you who didn't know what my boobs looked like before, they were a large C cup. Right now they're an A but most of that is inflamation. I don't really want to go back to a C cup. I'd like to go to a large B, but we'll see how things go. Basically my PS says she'll fill them until I like the size and that's when we'll stop and do the replacement (after radiation).

It was a happy/sad moment when I got rid of all of my old bras. That's the cool thing about implants. PERKY 20-YR OLD BOOBS FOR LIFE. No bra necessary. Yippee!

Pictures! Wheee!

Sorry about the serious lack of blogging lately. Our computer broke down Friday night and we just got it back. Unfortunately there are still a few bugs with video so my picture slideshow isn't working. I'll just post a few of the pics instead.



This is me in the pre-surgery holding room at about 9am. Jim was there along with my dad, mom, and step-dad David. The kept me company and the mood was pretty light. I was in there for an hour or so.


They're getting ready to roll me in to surgery and this is me with my favorite doctor, Dr. Bergman. She's my plastic surgeon. I was doing fine - not scared. Right before they wheeled me in however, my mom started to cry and then I started to cry. LOL Thanks ma.



Whooo SEXAY! This is me right out of recovery at about 6PM or so. I was really groggy. My first thoughts when I came to in the recovery room were of these two guys jabbering. I think they worked there. I couldn't open my eyes, but I remember asking them, "What time is it?" One of them said "About 5:30PM." Which just goes to show you, I can pick up strange men in my SLEEP. That must be what that thumbs up is about.


I think this is a pretty accurate picture of how I felt that first night in the hospital.





Okay now I realize how much visitors rock when you're stuck in the hospital. That's my sis-in-law Erin and my little brother Ty in the first one, my ma in the second one, and Lisa on the bottom. My dad spent the first night with me and Jim was with me during the daytime. I was there two nights and got to go home on Thursday morning.


Here's a shot of me getting dressed to go home. Whoooo hoooo sexay baybay! You may be thinking, "Wait. I thought they cut your boobs off." They did. I have expanders in there with 100cc's of saline, plus a ton of guaze and 12 ft of Ace Bandage CORSET FROM HELL. Even though there's a smile on my face, I can barely breathe. I'm also holding my three drains. I meant to take a picture of them side by side 'cause they were kinda cool. One was red, one was burgundy and the other was orange. It was like my own little blood and guts rainbow!


When I got home, I saw that my mom had decorated my bedroom with roses, new pillows, fresh towels, a magazine, and a tub full of stuff ranging from an energy drink to a new pair of scissors. It was really cool. She told me that my Aunt Penny helped with the bucket and she should know what to put in there since she had bc too. Thanks guys!

Yesterday my friend Jill gave me a haircut and washed my hair in her salon sink. I felt TONS better after that 'cause my hair was like this matted mass of goo. Thanks Jill!

This morning I got my ACE BANDAGE CORSET FROM HELL removed by Dr. Bergman. She also removed the drains. I didn't know it before (THANK GOD) but this was basically her ripping them right out of my skin - dried up scars and all. I cried like a baby! I swear I howled so bad that I was sure that her entire waiting room left while I was in there. She layered guaze over my drain sites and put a velcro compression bra on me.

Later I'm going to take my first shower in over a week with Jim's help. Incidently, Jim has been an AWESOME HELP. He's taken off work to wait on me hand and foot and he's had to take care of Erik all by himself. I'd like to thank Erin and mom for bringing over food so he doesn't have to cook. I can't raise my arms above my head and my incisions are still really tender. I take vicoden and Advil for pain relief. The closest I can think of to describing "how I feel right now" is to compare it to a flu. Achy body, loopy head, a touch of nausea, lack of appetite, sporadic sleeping - that sort of thing. But sometimes I can get on the computer, read, or watch a movie.

In closing, I'd like to leave you with this image.

Back from the hospital.

Surgery went well and I had a ton of support from family and friends while I was there. The only sucky thing that happened was that I did need to have all of my lymph nodes removed from my right armpit. I have to be really careful with that arm so it doesn't swell. I've been taking vicodin (sp?) for the pain. It hurs the most when I lift stuff and get up from a laying position. Erik started school today so I still haven't seen him since I went in.

The first night at the hospital my dad stayed over night with me and took care of me. I thought that was really sweet. Jim is taking good care of me - and my mom even came over and decorated my bedroom with roses, new towels, magazines and a giant goodie basket. Everybody's been really awesome and I wanted to thank you guys again.

I took lots of pictures - before and after shots, and I got a couple pictures of my doctors too. Jim just left to fill my vicoden script and drop the camera off for developing so hopefully I'll have those images to share with you soon. Nothing too grodie- don't worry.

Right now I'm bandaged up really tight all the way around my chest. I have three drains that need to be emptied and recorded which Jim is going to help me with. Having a husband who's an EMT is very helpful!

The drugs make me kind of woozy - in fact I'm kind of falling asleep as I type this, so I better go. I'll blog more later and post pics soon.

Oh and regarding the kidney/ovary issues - - the right ovary has a cyst in it which is no big deal, she said they couldn't get a good image of the left one (???) I asked her which one we were concerned about in the first place and she couldn't tell me. Instead she said, "I was just told by Dr. Holzer to call and give you this report." ??? Then I asked about the kidney results and she said "What kidney results? There's nothing here about the kidneys." I kept my temper in check and finally she got the bright idea to talk to the doctor and get back with me. That was a couple hours ago.

Right now I'm wondering if I can switch oncologists. The doctor isn't bad but her nurse is and the admin staff can be pretty rude and unhelpful. Since I'll be dealking more with the nurse and admin, I'm kind of leary about staying with Holzer.

Okay I have to go to sleep now.

Oops.

I had my SNB today. My mom took me and gave me some Xanax to calm me down. Problem was, I took too much, and promptly came home and slept. I had hoped to get some more done with the house prior to packing, etc. But I just woke up (it's 9:20PM) and I feel like I just got home from the bar after having 20 drinks. So I'm trying to pack. But really I may just go back to bed soon. The SNB turned out to be nothing but one shot that stung a little. It was totally no big deal at all. But my night hasn't been that great trying to get over this Xanax that is totally still there and hasn't gone away yet. Can't type anymore. Have to pack and go back to sleep. I'll blog when I'm able. If everything goes well, I should be able to come home from surgery by Wednesday afternoon. Hopefully I'll be up to blogging by Thursday. I'm not too worried about surgery right now, except I'm not too worried about anything right now except trying to pack.

ps - one xanax should be sufficient. goodnight.

So I got this idea...

If my hair has to go anyway, it's going to go out with a BANG. Besides, I wonder how many pink-haired chicks get bilateral mastectomies these days. Okay, in Springfield.

Thanks Jill, for helpin' a girl out.

"So what's been going on?"

A lot of folks have been asking me this question after various doctor appointments so I thought I'd catch everyone up. Mostly they're concerned about the results from the kidney/ovary ultrasounds and I haven't heard anything yet. I believe this is because I keep failing to fill my bladder enough for the ovary ultrasound and keep leaving and resheduling. (Try no. 3 is Thursday, the 16th at 11:30. Wish me luck.) I've decided that out of all the appointments and all the tests I've had to do - filling my bladder just perfectly for this stupid ultrasound has been the most difficult and doesn't even have anything to do with the breast cancer.

My latest project is to sew something similar to the picture here on the left. It's called a "Softee" and the genuine article costs $58. It's a camisole with a "kangaroo" pocket on the inside and loops sewn in so that your surgery drains can be contained under your clothing. (See the drain?) I went to Walmart today and bought a cheap nightgown and camisole and I'm going to rig something similar. One to sleep in and one to wear out. Should work fine and cost a lot less.

Went to see the plastic surgeon (PS) this morning. She basically checked "the girls" out again, measured me for expanders (see previous blog entry titled "A Snag" for expander info), and talked a little bit about the part she'll play on the day of surgery. The day before surgery I'll go to the hospital and have some sort of radioactive stuff injected into me via IV for surgery the next day. And then here's the day of surgery scoop:

_______________________________
THE DAY OF SURGERY SCOOP
I'll be checking in at the hospital at 6AM (yawn). Surgery is scheduled for 10AM. Prior to that my PS will be coming in and marking me for my expanders. I imagine my surgeon will be popping in to say hi at some point too. Then the anesethiologist will be coming in and prepping me for the general. Then I guess I get wheeled in, knocked out, and the surgeon will perform the double mastectomy and biopsy that main lymph node under my arm pit. A pathologist will examine it onsite to see if it has cancer in it. If it does, the surgeon will remove more nodes just to make sure she gets it all out (which means I'll probably need radiation later after chemo - boo!) After the surgeon does her thing, I'll have a small scar under my armpit with a drain (if the nodes are removed) and a scar around the down from where the nipple used to be and possibly along the crease underneath where the breast used to be. After she's finished, the PS will step in and she'll put the expanders in through the surgeon's incisions - so no additional scars. She said she would fill the expanders up as much as they would go without stretching the incision too much and then she'd wrap me up with an Ace bandage tube top. (She's got a pretty good sense of humor.) I should have a drain coming from either side of chest - so that's a total of three possible drains. The surgery should take approx 3 hours.

After the surgery is over, I'll be taken to recovery for awhile. Then I'll be taken to my room. Jim and my dad will be there the whole time and my mom is coming in a little later. I've asked them all to be there when I wake up. I'm going to need some positive vibes coming my way after! The next morning the PS is going to come check out the damage. If everything looks good and I'm doing well from the general, I should be able to leave that day. She told Jim (he went to the PS consult with me today) that he'd be waiting on me hand and foot for at least four days after the surgery. [INSERT EVIL LAUGHTER HERE]

____________________________________

I have a post-op visit with the surgeon a week after surgery, and I'll go see the PS two weeks after surgery for another fill. The expanders will be rock hard and will give me discomfort AND they'll look funny. She said she'd give me some pain pills. They're going to continue to be uncomfy and funny looking until they're replaced with the implants AFTER CHEMO AND AFTER ANY RADIATION. So we're looking at *cries* late January at the soonest.

I've heard that after the tumor is removed, the surgeon's team looks at it and decides from there what kind of chemo and/or radiation I'll need. So more on that after surgery. Right now, my oncologist has told me chemo will most likely start the week of Sept. 10 but that can change.

As for "how I'm doing" psychologically - I'm fine. Yes, I'm a little nervous about surgery but I've already planned on asking them to give me something to calm me down once I get there. I've talked to so many other gals that have gone through this on that bulletin board Julie told me about. I even talked to one gal who went through the same surgery and she's a recovery room nurse! She told me what kinds of drugs to ask for, etc. It was awesome. They've helped me with packing lists for surgery day, and clued me in to the "Softee" idea. I'm getting major support there and I visit that board quite often. (What did we do without internet???)

My dad was concerned that I was having physical pain - but there isn't any right now. I feel totally normal. The pain won't start until after surgery, and then during expansion. Jim has talked to the Chief at work who was really cool and told Jim to take as much time as he needed to help. Jim has taken steps to use the family medical leave but also has plenty of sick days he can use to help me with Erik.

That's all I can think of right now. If you have other questions - leave a comment and I'll answer there.

Thanks for reading! Sorry this sucka was so long.

Ultrasounds, Schedule and a Favor

Jill asked how my ultrasounds when on Friday and I thought I should blog. Apparently when you have an ovary ultrasound you need to have a completely full bladder. Problem was, I forgot about the appointment until 20 minutes before I was supposed to be there! So I was guzzling water on the way to try and fill my bladder, but it wasn't enough so they had to reschedule it. Boo! She did manage to get the kidney portion done however, so that's something at least. My oncologist will be calling with the results as she gets them.

It seems like every week since my diagnosis I've had a lot of doctor appointments. So much so that when the weekend roles around and I'm not rushing to appointments or waiting for phone calls from doctors that it seems strange! Here's my schedule and I'm going to throw some fun stuff in there too so you guys know I'm not just sittin' at home wallowing in self-pity (that comes later):

Sun Aug 12: Daughtry concert at the fair
Mon Aug 13: Consultation with new surgeon re surgery (SIU)
Tues Aug 14: Ovary Ultrasound (Spfld Clinic on 7th)
Wed Aug 15: Consultation with plastic surgeon re surgery (her office behind TGIF)
Wed Aug 15: Lisa's Spa Party
Tues Aug 21: Surgery

There will be one to two post op visits with the surgeon after surgery, and then in September I'll be starting chemo.

Again thanks to everyone for reading! All of you have been asking if there is anything you could do to help and now there actually IS something you can do to help me! You can go to http://illinoistimes.com/gyrobase/ and vote for Broken Stone as best cover band and rock band in Springfield for 2007! Just click on the pic in the right menu that says "BEST OF SPRINGFIELD 2007 - CLICK TO VOTE." You don't need to vote on every single category - I think you just need to fill in ten blanks for it to work. Imagine when I'm all laid up on the couch, bald, nauseous, and wallowing - - but then husband brings the Illinois Times to me and I see that his band has won best band! WOW! What an instand PICK-ME-UP!! :)

Switched surgeons.

Dr. Puralta with SIU has agreed to give me the bilateral mastectomy. In addition, there will be less scarring, and she's going to actually test the lymph nodes to make sure they're positive before removing them, unlike Dr. W who was just going to take them all out. (The more lymph nodes you can keep, the better. They're under your arm pit and drain fluids from the breast. If they're removed the result is numbness and a possible swelling disorder so you really have to baby that arm for life.) Dr. Puralta was surprised that Dr. W would not perform a bilateral and her nurse was just as shocked. They each asked me why he wouldn't do it. I couldn't really give them a straight answer because I'm not sure myself.

So I'm feeling a lot better about things now. I so didn't want to be lopsided for a year until reconstruction could be completed and I would have been FURIOUS if I would have had to have the other one removed later down the road and go through treatment all over again.

There are a couple of issues with the bilateral though. (Ahh, why can't everything just be perfect?) First of all my surgery date may be moved back because this procedure will take longer for both docs (surgeon and plastic surgeon). There's a possibility of staying longer in the hospital and recovery will take longer. The plastic surgeon's office warned me that my insurance may not pay for all of the reconstruction on the left side since the bilateral is not medically necessary. They would have had to pay for the breasts to made symetrical so maybe they will. The surgeon's office will let me know for sure. They'll also be calling with the new surgery date. I'll be keeping the same onocologist (sigh) and the same plastic surgeon (the surgeon assured me that she's really good so I've got no problem sticking with her).

The upside of all of this is that when I wake up, it will just seem as though I've had a breast reduction rather than an amputation! Also, unless I need radiation on the affected right side later, the plastic surgeon should be able to eventually give me perfect, plastic, barbie boobs. Remember the expansion process and replacement takes months. While there are disadvantages of having fake boobs (no sensation, hardness, replacement every 10 years, foriegn man-made materials in your body) I won't have to wear a bra if I don't want to and when I'm 80 years old I'll still have the breasts of a 20 year old.

I'll update when my surgery date is confirmed.

By the way, Jim is home and I have brand new fresh flowers on my coffee table. :)

Did I say "Progress?" I meant to say "Snag #2."

So Jill's aunt had a bilateral mastectomy awhile back which means she had both breasts removed. She emailed me the other day and implored me to go see the surgeons at SIU because they can do surgery with minimal scarring. Since I already had my surgery date and was relatively sure that I was going to get a mastectomy at that point, I shrugged it off not really caring about scars later.

Then I went to that Young Survivors Coalition message board that Julie told me about and started reading all of these women's stories. The more I read, the more I thought that a bilateral mastectomy would be better for me in the long run than a single. First of all I won't have my genetic test results until who knows when because the doc office is currently fighting with my insurance company over its medical necessity. Secondly my reconstructed breast will never match my natural breast. Third, if I'm going to have to have another mastectomy later becuase of positive genetic testing or just more bc, then I'd have to go through surgery and therapy all over again and the odds get higher and higher as I get older.

So I called my surgeon and asked him about a bilateral. AFter some discussion he said he wouldn't do it. To him it's unnecessary at this time, it's extra recovery time, it's a huge paper trail, the insurance won't pay if it's not medically necessary, blah blah blah.

So I went back to the bulletin board and told all of these women who have had them what he had to say. All of them told me to find a doctor who shared my point of view. A lot of them seem to have had bilaterals because they chose to and their doctors did it for them with no question. While they say recover is longer, they're happier they did it and it's over with. Meanwhile the gals that answered that had a single mast all told me what I feared. That their natural breast did not match the new one. One gal even said she was just anxious to have it done and at the time didn't know enough to stand up for herself and fight for what she wanted which was a bilateral.

To make a long story short (TOO LATE!), I phoned those doctors at SIU that Jill's aunt had recommended and I'm going to see one of them tomorrow morning for a 2nd opinion. I need to ask this doc about scars afterward and if she performs bilaterals w/o as preventative for cosmetic reasons if nothing else.

I'll update once I get back from that consult.

Progress

I have a surgery date! It's Tuesday, August 21st at 9AM at Memorial. I'll be having a modified radical mastectomy of the right breast with an expander placed to begin reconstruction. The expander will result in a little longer recovery but hopefully I'll only be in the hospital overnight. I'll leave with a couple of drains that need to be monitored and I'll have to take it easy for a week following surgery - no lifting, no driving - but after that I hope to be up and running. Tentatively chemo will begin the week of Sept. 10th but more on that later when I know for sure.

The surgeon was actually pleased with my choice and didn't give me any hassel. I'm glad that the treatment seems more solid to me now and that soon I'll be on my way to recovery.

Jim is coming home tomorrow night too so I'll have my rock back. :) Thanks to all of you guys for your support while he was gone. Mom, Dad, Lisa and Jill - - these last few weeks would have sucked major without you guys keeping me busy. Julie thanks for your advice and the website - it's really cool.

I'll post again after I get the results from the kidney/ovary ulatrasound and let you guys know what they found out. Cross your fingers for me. The last thing I need is stuff going on with other organs at this point. Anyway, look for another post after Monday the 13th. Thanks for reading.

I'm very frustrated right now.

I've been waiting since last Thursday for THE BIG RESULTS which would answer all of my questions and help me know exactly what to do surgery-wise. But that's not what happened. All last week they did tests. They took blood which I thought was for my genetic testing to see if I had the mutant gene, did a heart test (echocardiogram), CAT Scan of the pelvis, chest and abdomen to look for anything fishy, and a bone scan to see if the cancer was in my bones.

The bone scan turned out fine - no cancer in my bones. Heart test was fine - my bod should respond okay to chemo with no problems. CAT Scan showed some dense material in my kidney and left ovary. So I'll be getting an ultrasound to check that out on Friday. She said she was pretty sure it wasn't cancer but just wants to "dot all the i's." To me that's her way of saying "Crap it's probably cancer but I don't want to say anything." Whatever. When I asked about the results for the genetic testing she said she didn't know that I'd had blood taken for that yet (???) and checked with her nurse who said the folks that do the test are still checking with my insurance to see if the test is covered. !! Apparently the blood they took that day at her office was to check on liver and kidney function. GAH. So yeah I'm mad about that since surgery was going to be based on those results.

I just feel like the oncologist office is wishy-washy right now. And when you have this many doctors (surgeon/oncologist/plastic surgeon) they don't or won't or can't talk to each other to find out what needs to be done. It's like they're all on different pages. So I'm really frustrated. Here my mom left work to come meet me there and I feel like we didn't do anything new.

I did get a better idea about the time table for treatment. At this point I'm going to have a mastectomy and be done with it. I JUST WANT TO GET THIS BALL ROLLING. She said if I have the surgery on the week of the 20th, then chemo would start on Sept 11 and and go through December. Radiation would start in January. I know you guys are all tellin' me not to worry about school and work and stuff - just to concentrate on my health - but realistically I can't help but look at the big picture. I need to know how soon this stuff is going to be done so that I can know when I'll be going back to school and get my life back on track. That being the case I told her "no" for clinical trials regarding chemo. I need them to know what they're doing so I can get going here.

Wednesday morning I'll be visiting the surgeon to discuss the surgery. He's going to be antsy when I tell him that I insist on having the expander put in at the time of surgery and he'll use the scare tactic of "possible infection" but I don't care. I want it done right away so I dont' keep having to go back for surgeries. I've got the time to recover now since I won't be going to school this semester anymore.

Anyway, that's what's going on. I may look into finding a support group or something so I can vent and just to hear what the other women had to go through. I wish there was a group of younger women to talk to who have young children and are trying to go to school, etc. rather than the older set whose children are grown and have different lifestyles.

Sorry for venting. I'm just really frustrated right now. I'm afraid my poor surgeon is going to get an earful tomorrow. But I feel like the only person willing to actually put their foot down is me. If it's really "all my choice" then here ya go. Like it or lump it, doc.

A Snag

Just when I thought I had everything figured out (kind of) - it turns out that I don't (at all). Dr. W. had told me that after surgery I would be up and running (so did all the documentation I've been reading) and I thought I'd still be able to have the surgery and start chemo and still go back to school on the 16th. But now I've hit a snag.

After meeting with my plastic surgeon today (Dr. Beth Bergman) we decided that if I have a mastectomy, my best bet would be to have a tissue expander inserted at the time of surgery. She told me there would be drains and I knew this. I told her I had an image of drains being duct-taped to my body as I'm student teaching. She told me that when you have drains, you are not supposed to work. I asked how long the drains are there and she said they could be there as long as three weeks depending on how many there are (1 or 2). But with the added tissue expander in there, the healing would take a little longer and I would be tired and wouldn't want to work for that long anyway.

There is still a small chance that I will have a lumpectomy. Otherwise, I think I'm going to have to put off school until January. This makes me a little anxious as I was really wanting to get student teaching out of the way. I would rather student teach, graduate, have my certificate and then wait to get a job until next fall, then take a break and have to student teach. It is my fear that I'm going to forget a lot before January if it's not fresh in my head. While student teaching there are many projects/reports that must be completed for certification. I'm scared I'll forget how to do them and by then my fellow-students will have jobs and will have forgotten themselves. This makes me rather sad.

But I just don't know if I should attempt it with the surgery recovery, tissue expansion, and chemo. So here lies my problem. Before I call ISU, I'm going to wait until Tuesday when the oncologist gives me all my test results and we choose a surgery and treatment. The waiting is starting to drive me a little nuts.

In case you are wondering what a tissue expander is, it's basically a balloon that is inserted in your chest muscle and "blown up" with saline a little bit at a time over a period of months to expand the tight skin and make it ready for an implant. Here's a visual:



Yes, I could have the surgery and wear a prosthesis until January and then have the expander put in. But if I have radiation treatments, my skin will be even tighter and reconstruction becomes more difficult.

I just don't know what to do and it's really bothering me. I just want someone to tell me what to do and if I can go to school or not.