"So I'll see you in a couple days then."

I think my Oncologist loves me.

She asks me to come in every other day for a visit. Each time I go in, it's a $20 co-pay. I'm thinking about telling her that I can no longer see her like this anymore. We need some time apart. We have separate lives and we need to live them and not be so codependent on each other. Plus I hate going in there. It's expensive, they always want to take blood, and they're stuck in a "Golden Girls" decorating time-warp.

I walk in and the front desk staff says, "Hello Deanna! Whatcha here for today?" And I usually answer, "I have no idea really." And I sit in a teal vinyl waiting room chair that has a large floral pattern on it and watch Regis and Kelly/Ellen/The View whilst waiting to be wisked to the lab for vitals and blood draw by the friendly lab ladies - who also love me. After lab they take me to one of the rooms to wait for Dr. Matthews. Dr. Matthews is my Oncologist. She looks like a librarian/teacher and wears sensible shoes. After about a twenty-minute wait, she asks me how I'm feeling (my answer is always "Eh") and then she tells me if my white blood cell count/blood pressure/other stuff is okay. Afterwards she puts me up on the table and checks my throat and my breathing. Then she'll look through a large pile of papers (all about me) and kind of flip through them and make sounds like, "mmm hmm" and "okaaay...". Meanwhile I'm thinking I could have used that $20 on dinner... a shirt.... some gas....

I'll get my 3rd round of chemo next Tuesday. But Dr. Matthews wants to see me before I go in so I can fork over another $20. After this round I'll have 5 more and then I'm done. The chemo is still sucking but at least they've figured out how to give me meds without putting me in the hospital. I go in for a few hours of chemo, then the next day I go in for my shot which helps my white blood cell count go up quicker, then the next day I go in for fluids and nausea meds and then I'm in sick in bed for a couple of days. This is considered my "sick week." After the two days in bed, I can get up and drag myself around and sit in a chair. A couple of days later, my "good week" starts. Then I go back for chemo and it starts over again. "Sick weeks" are marked on the calendar next to the computer so we can schedule outings/gatherings accordingly, as in "We'll have to do Thanksgiving a week early this year 'cause it falls on my SICK WEEK," that sort of thing.

As far as how I'm feeling, I'm never 100% anymore. I'm usually at about 85% on a good week. Like right now I have mouth sores and some nausea. But I'm still meeting a friend for dinner tonight and going out to see Broken Stone afterward. I can't stay for all three sets like I used to 'cause I get a little tired, but I like to get out when I can. I haven't been wearing my wig. I'll usually wear a blue bandana that my friend Jill says makes me look like a "biker chick." People stare at me or do double-takes but thankfully I'm a Leo and adore attention. Except excessive attention from my Oncologist.